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Facing Reality

Collage made from images found here

I think about my body way too much. To be frank with you, it is hard to stop a thought about my body flitting through my head every time I eat, every time I put clothes on (or take them off), every time I walk out onto the street, every time I see the scales… I could go on.

The funny thing is, when I started out with an aim to lose weight and get fitter, I thought that I’d think about my body a lot less than I do. My expectations, perhaps dreamily located, assumed that as the pounds slid off, so would the worries and cares. I was perhaps foolish to assume that in my quest to be a better me, that my brain would stay in sync with my weight loss and I’d automatically feel brilliant.

It clicked a few weeks ago. Without going into specifics, I’d been in double stone figures for the best part of a year and a half, and was slowly losing weight. If you’ve read my fitness posts you’ll have been keeping up-to-date with that progress. Recently, I just slipped under into single stone figure (plus some pounds) and feel absolutely ecstatic  The ironic thing with all of this is that losing two pounds and moving down to a single figure meant more to me than the previous three stone that I had shed.

Doesn’t that seem ridiculous?! I then began thinking, was my quest to lose weight and get fitter merely a psychological thing that I had imposed upon myself? Why did losing two pounds and achieving a particular goal become the utmost moment of achievement, when for the last year I’d been achieving massive things and feeling disappointment?

It is so hard to get out of the mindset that I think way too many women (and men) are trapped in. It is literally impossible to walk out onto the street, read a piece of media, or turn on the laptop/tv without being affronted by numerous bodies that aren’t yours. Why is is so ingrained in my mindset that having a particular size anything is something of an achievement, and why do I remain so harshly judgemental on myself when I see plenty of women who are much bigger than myself and think they look amazing?

We really are our worst critics, and 2013 is going to be a momentous year for myself. Now that I’ve proven to myself that working towards a body I want is much more complex that eating healthily and exercising, I’m going to try focus on the issues that prevent me from feeling pride in my achievements.

I’ve sacrificed a lot of time and effort worrying about being a certain way, when in actual fact, that time could have been better spent working out why that stuff really matters, why I felt the need to devote so much time and effort to those thoughts.

Why am I telling you this? I would imagine there is millions of people that are in exactly the same mindset as myself, worrying that they need to be a certain way. I am not discouraging the efforts of trying to be healthier, and losing weight – as in my case it was something I really wanted, and needed, to do. However, we really need to break this cycle of down-trodden self image and I think the first step to getting there is realising that being that way, is not only not the be-all-and-end-all, but also not something that defines you.

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